The way you tore your son down last night in your ugly message to him is
the reason he has chosen not to speak to you. Being around my family who treat
him like the wonderful human being he is welcoming him into the family as if he
had always been a part of it has really showed him what love is and what a loving
respectful family was. In him learning what love and family meant he realized
who you and his father was all along. I mean if you only know hate, dysfunction
and abuse how can you be expected to know what a loving respectful family is.
When he learned that, he began to pull away from both of you. When we moved from
my family to where you live he realized he was in his worst nightmare and didn't
know how to fix it. That the illusion he had as a child was blown wide open and his parents were not who he thought they were.
The many nights I watched the pain in his face as he saw how vile you and
his father were to him, myself and his children. How you cared not for us if we
lived or died. How you told him we were an inconvenience and in the way of his
life. How when he was gone for a month to work you did not once even call to
check on us or call him to see how he was in another state knowing I had a new
born baby. *but you miss your grandchildren?*
I watched his face in pain from how you screamed at one of his children for
touching the chain on a lamp and said that there was nothing wrong with her she
was not autistic she just needed a good beating and she would be fine. I
watched in horror at his face of learning you kept the horse whip in the closet
to beat his sisters kids.
I saw him stare especially at you the day you jumped up and down screaming at his
pregnant wife yelling, screaming and cussing because she was going to ride in
her own van with her own husband and children to the storage unit and you
thought I'd be in the way and definitely our children would be in the way. I
saw him look at you like who is this ranting woman while I sat calmly smiling at
you and then respectfully said I'll be in the car when my husband's is ready to
go. I think in that moment he might of realized the difference in manners,
maturity and southern grace versus hooping hollering and trying to get your way
by attempting to bully his wife into staying.
I also watched his rage years later when he found out the ONE time you ever
watched our kids that you beat our 3 year old and threatened the rest of the
kids to not tell us and threatened to beat them if they consoled her.
I watched as he fought against understanding how you didn't care that his
wife was in the hospital on her death bed nor did you care to see his new baby.
When we did bring the baby over you laughed at the fact that you and his
father could make her cry and called her names comparing her to him when he was
little. You never made a kind gesture towards her only doing anything you could
to make her cry until as her mother I said NO she will not go back to your house
since it was your game to make her cry.
I watched him struggle seeing all you did do for others but wouldn't do for
him. I saw him crave the love he had seen and been given by my family to be
given him from you but knew it was impossible for such mean spirited people to
truly love him in the way that is loving, caring and respectful.
I saw his struggle in being respectful to his father while he was on a
ladder outside our house and his father was ripping him to shreds about how
worthless he was and could do nothing right like he was a little child when it
was really his father who had told him to do the very thing he was doing but
told him wrong.
I got to hear his words about you attacking him time and time again about
everything from his "lack of doing what you TOLD him to do as a grown man" to
you complaining that I needed to quit playing suzy home maker teaching my kids,
cooking cleaning and being at home. You thought I should get a real job not
realizing I had one at home online that to this day still supports this family
and affords them everything they need.
I watched his face on phone calls with you when you and his father
discouraged him from trying to become a foreman at work then also discouraged
him and told him to stay out of work politics be happy with the position, keep his mouth shut
and NOT to strive to do better at his job or become assistant
superintendent. There was no congratulations as he progressed to these
positions just shaking of heads as if it was a terrible thing to succeed. I had
him ask me the questions that I had no answers to about why his parents wouldn't
want more for him or better for him How does a wife answer a question she can
not understand when why would anyone want their child to stay stagnant and not
succeed or go as far as he can in his career and life.
You told him everything he did was wrong. When you saw him struggling
because I was on 100% bed rest for 9 months did you offer to help? Since you say
you bent over backwards for him. Did you offer help to man who was trying to
take care of a house, kids, homeschooling, cooking, cleaning and making sure I
was alive on top of both of us trying to work online just to keep floating at
that time. No, you just judged him and said how I was lazy *you know because I
was keeping our baby alive by being on bed rest then keeping myself alive from
the life threatening blood clots I had for 6 months plus after I had her* You
judged him for not being able to handle all that I normally handled at 100% and
acted like it was not Dr ordered that I was on bed rest taking blood thinner
injections 3 times a day that he was giving me.
I listened to him ask the question of "As a parent I don't understand how
my parents can treat me so badly, I could never treat our children that way" I
can only comfort him saying he can never understand because to understand would
mean he was like the two of you and he is not.
You jumped all over him last night about not telling you that he had a
son. Why would you be interested? We lived within 2 blocks of you and you
never once visited and only was interested in one of our children even then only
on rare occasions. You were not around for the birth of the child we had there
and were not interested in her other than torturing her so why would we share a
joyous occasion with someone who doesn't even care about her own son enough to
respect him, his life, his wife and his other children.
I was so excited to meet you in the beginning because I wanted to meet the
woman who should of loved my husband as much as I did and understood him the way
I did but what I found was hatefulness and mean spiritedness. Maybe the problem
was you treated all his friends better than him as you said to him how you did
everything for his friends but what did you do for him? You've always done more
for others than him.
I was hoping to meet a woman who would build her son up, support him in his choices and encourage him to always do better but all I found was
two parents who could only tear him down, tell him how worthless he was and how
he did everything wrong. It only made my heart love him more for breaking out
of the shell of his raising and being nothing like either of you. It only made
me know that God truly stepped in and gave him a beautiful heart and a beautiful
soul longing for the love he certainly never received as a child growing up and
definitely not as an adult from his parents. It made me proud that he doesn't
keep a horse whip in the closest or beat our kids. That he understand autism
and loves her just as she is. That he strives to be a good father and is so much
better than the one he has. It's rare to find someone who breaks away from being like their parents but he did and that takes both strength and courage.
I love that he is so at peace with the conversation last night and that he
is truly done. He said it best "I'm done trying, it's over" Again it's really
your loss because you will never know the brilliant, loving, caring, happy,
joyous, handsome, loving father, husband and accomplished man he is. You will
never know the circle of friends he now has the respect him and love him. You
will never know the work colleagues that respect him and come to him for advice. You will know anything
about him ever again. You will not get to reap the great benefits of the person
he has grown into over the years and who he is still emerging into and
becoming.
The payoff is you can never hurt him again. I will never have to see pain
in his eyes from parents who refuse to love their son because they didn't get to
pick his wife and run his life.
I would like to think you would feel the loss but you won't. You will sit
around complaining over and over about how he wronged you until you actually
believe the words you say. Feeling sorry for yourself and begging for pity from
others. You will talk to your family and anyone who will listen about how he
has betrayed you and how his wife has ruined him.
It's quite all right though because anyone who knows us knows your lies.
Other's see the loving family that we are and knows who we are. They love him,
they love me and they love our children. They don't see our children as an
inconvenience as you have called them many times. They see them as blessings.
Most of all he has a family who calls him son. He has a Father in law and
a Mother in law who praises him and builds him up by telling him how proud they
are of the job he has done as a husband, father and how well he has done at his
job. So he will not feel loss only peace again in his life by exiting from the
presence of people who only choose to spout words of discontentment and
ugliness.
I can thank you for one thing. That you have been the example in showing me how to never treat any
of my children's choices in spouses or significant others. Not that I ever would
treat anyone the way you have treated your son but it does make me mindful of
treating my children's spouses and future spouses with the utmost respect and
love just as my family has done with your son. It also has taught my younger
children that just because someone is family does not mean they are nice or
should remain in their lives. It has taught them they do not have to tolerate anyone who tears them down or their parents.
As for me, I have already forgiven you. It does not do any good to keep
things in your heart. There is no room in my very full, happy and joyous life
to dwell on the negative shortcomings of others. You are already a distant
memory in our lives and can no longer hurt the man that I love.
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