Frustrations

I am a very laid back person.  I am not easily offended.  I forgive quickly and anger slowly.  It takes a lot to push me over the edge. I'm good at controlling my emotions and keeping them in check.  Shoving however I'm really feeling and putting on the brave face. Then examining my feelings and working them out myself between myself and God.   

 

Sometimes though, it is much harder than others.  I get frustrated when I see those closest to me become instantly depressed or angry or upset over something that I hold on my shoulders almost daily. When I reach out to request help to share this weight and am welcomed with adversity instead of unity it really sends a blow to my emotions as well.  I think it's more the haughty attitude that I watch come forth of them feeling entitled to have a two year old tantrum as an adult. 

 

Don't get me wrong we are all entitled to fall to pieces and maybe this is my issue holding others to a way to high standard of being able to control their actions.  I mean fall apart yes, but when you make others around you feel like your mad at them for your depression and your anger and your own disappointment I have an issue with that.  Right now I'm just frustrated at this person because I feel like I'm being punished for asking for their input and  unity when they are in a role in my life that I should not even have to ask for this type of support. 

 

I like to be up front and honest and when I came to them I did not expect them to have a tantrum stomp off and say thanks I'm probably going to stress myself into a heart attack now.  It disappointed me, it hurt me because I expected unity and ideas to be discussed on how to handle this situation but not what happened and then the silent treatment.   When I came back later and tried to talk and asked if they were mad at me (and was quickly cut off and could not finish my sentence) as they barked NO I'm just very depressed and then stomped off again it only left me feeling more hurt.  Which does not solve either problem at this point because now by the attitude and actions of this person there is a gap between us and the original problem that needs to be addressed.  We all have the right to our emotions and feelings. 

 

We can not choose our emotions they just happen. The only thing we can choose is what we do with them when they hit us.  In all emotions we have a choice as to how we react to them.  Now I'm having to make a choice with my pain in this situation and how to act on it.  I want to react like those who surround me act.  Like it's perfectly fine to  show our fanny but I know it would only make things escalate and it's not the right thing to do. 

 

I've always said my greatest down fall is the overwhelming drive inside of me to do the freaking right thing.  I know I say this with annoyance because many times doing the right thing has brought immediate and excruciating pain to my own life like I never thought possible but yet I can't bring myself to deliberately be ugly. Sometimes this is frustrating to me, not because I want to be a bad person but there are times I just want to do what I feel like doing verses what I know is right.  But I don't and I can't.    

 

I probably will not bring up to this person how they made me feel because with this person it seems to only  push them further away.  I will probably just deal with my own frustrations and wait for them to say something, if they do.  I have to say the older I get the less tolerance I have for these types of situations.